October

Another post, this time in response to Open Link Night over at d’Verse poets. I’m posting this draft of a poem that I’m hoping to improve upon, any comments are welcome! I need to work on the rhythm, I’m sure I can do something with it….

October

When I was much younger
October meant weekends of sunshine
and the blue skies of Wales
over her mountains.

Later, it meant trips abroad
or jaunts in an old car,
a camera full of photographs,
my brain filing future nostalgias.

Today October is not the only month
tinged with sorrow
while I watch a mind fall apart
Slowly
and try to focus on remembering
our good times.

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13 comments

  1. it’s good to remember the good times…feel your sorrow here…the falling apart…brings a martin luther quote to my mind..he said: if i knew the world would go down tomorrow, i would plant an apple tree today…love the hope against hope in this…so what about planting a metaphorical new tree this october..? smiles

  2. It reads well and naturally… As for the rhythm, in the first stanza I would have swapped the blue skies of Wales with the weekends of sunshine and rewrite the final line to fit the sense. The pacing of the last stanza is perfect…slow and meditative…. Good stuff!

  3. Heartbreaking and beautiful too..just as the month and season is. Well captured…wishing you rainbows and more bookmarked trails to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Well done.

  4. hedgewitch

    So many memories mix in fall, good and bad, past and future..You really create a mood here, especially in the second stanza, of a time precious before regret and of change.

  5. leahJlynn

    At least your trying to remember the good in this poem. I did Like this ” Later, it meant trips abroad
    or jaunts in an old car,
    a camera full of photographs,
    my brain filing future nostalgias.”
    I thought of it as road trip down the Cali coast.

  6. smiles…sorry i am late in getting here…i like it is very natural and a reality we all face as our seasons change….i think to mirror the first and second stanza you could start simply ‘when younger,’ to go with later….and not sure october is needed in teh last stanza either…but i did enjoy it…and glad you are accepting the new adventure…

  7. So poignant and beautiful, the last stanza tugged at my heart as I watch friends and family age and struggle.

  8. This is so incredibly sad and expressed with a great sensitivity.

  9. Poignant and beautiful.

  10. hypercryptical

    Your poem reads easy flows well. It is beautiful as it is.

    Anna :o]

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