The Past

Inspired by recent events, and some thoughts in the middle of the night, I wrote a very unpolished poem, put it to one side, asked friends for their thoughts, reworded and left it for a while. Then last Friday, visited a sculpture  park. There was one sculpture which, when I viewed it from one angle with another statue a distance behind, put me in mind of this poem……….

The Past 2
Let me slip through that door
(away from anguish of now)
no one will see.

In those long-demolished houses
I walk down remembered hallways,
smile at familiar faces
which turn away, unseeing

I move amongst old friends
revisit past conversations
always a mere shadow

a fleeting impression
at the very edge
of their world

The third stanza needs more work, the last line doesn’t flow……any suggestions welcome.

Posted for OpenLinkNight at dVerse Poets Pub


  1. Sue – the pic is awesome – well done, and perfect for the poem. What a return to blogging!

  2. I like the last stanza! I didn’t notice a flow problem with the last line. It makes a strong statement about how you can never really go home again.

  3. i think if you are looking for slow you play it a little different…shadow is often overused in metaphor for this…this may not be much better but plays off the rhyme…

    always out, never in…

  4. hedgewitch

    This has a true mood to it–that is, it feels true, and invokes its own feeling. Most poems could stand a rewrite(unless, like me you compulsively rewrite them to death,) but I think here it would be pretty minor, just a touch or two maybe, because I think it all gels and says what it means to say. Enjoyed it.

  5. This is a sad poem, filled with anguish of lost places, perhaps lost self. I myself identify certain aspects of my self with places in time/space. That is often very odd to me, but my dreams too are filled with them. Your poem brings all of this to mind again as it does a wonderful job of complemeting the picture and statue.

    • Many thanks for your comment. This is actually a poem about lost love, lost friendship following death, for example. Wishing at low points that you could go back and be in those places with those people again…as you point out, also about lost self. Writing this has actually been cathartic, so a very useful experience for me. Glad you thought the image linked in.

  6. The poem has a beautiful dreamlike feel.

    You could try – “at the very edge
    of what was my world.”

    I don’t know– but I think something to bring in the past again, and interesting to be now fleeting in what was your own center.

    “of what was once my entire world.” ?

    I don’t know – poem is lovely. k.

    • fleeting impression/at the very edge/of the world I once centered.??? I dn’t know. Hope you don’t mind specific suggestions! k.

      • Thanks for the suggestions! I’m still debating over which way to go with this! I don’t want to alter too much, as I feel the main message is there…Glad you liked the poem.

  7. Go back or move forward? There is no going back though, right? Thought provoking

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