The Past

Inspired by recent events, and some thoughts in the middle of the night, I wrote a very unpolished poem, put it to one side, asked friends for their thoughts, reworded and left it for a while. Then last Friday, visited a sculpture  park. There was one sculpture which, when I viewed it from one angle with another statue a distance behind, put me in mind of this poem……….

The Past 2
Let me slip through that door
quietly
(away from anguish of now)
no one will see.

In those long-demolished houses
I walk down remembered hallways,
smile at familiar faces
which turn away, unseeing

I move amongst old friends
revisit past conversations
always a mere shadow

a fleeting impression
at the very edge
of their world

The third stanza needs more work, the last line doesn’t flow……any suggestions welcome.

Posted for OpenLinkNight at dVerse Poets Pub

14 comments

  1. Sue – the pic is awesome – well done, and perfect for the poem. What a return to blogging!

  2. I like the last stanza! I didn’t notice a flow problem with the last line. It makes a strong statement about how you can never really go home again.

  3. i think if you are looking for slow you play it a little different…shadow is often overused in metaphor for this…this may not be much better but plays off the rhyme…

    always out, never in…

  4. hedgewitch

    This has a true mood to it–that is, it feels true, and invokes its own feeling. Most poems could stand a rewrite(unless, like me you compulsively rewrite them to death,) but I think here it would be pretty minor, just a touch or two maybe, because I think it all gels and says what it means to say. Enjoyed it.

  5. This is a sad poem, filled with anguish of lost places, perhaps lost self. I myself identify certain aspects of my self with places in time/space. That is often very odd to me, but my dreams too are filled with them. Your poem brings all of this to mind again as it does a wonderful job of complemeting the picture and statue.

    • Many thanks for your comment. This is actually a poem about lost love, lost friendship following death, for example. Wishing at low points that you could go back and be in those places with those people again…as you point out, also about lost self. Writing this has actually been cathartic, so a very useful experience for me. Glad you thought the image linked in.

  6. The poem has a beautiful dreamlike feel.

    You could try – “at the very edge
    of what was my world.”

    I don’t know– but I think something to bring in the past again, and interesting to be now fleeting in what was your own center.

    “of what was once my entire world.” ?

    I don’t know – poem is lovely. k.

    • fleeting impression/at the very edge/of the world I once centered.??? I dn’t know. Hope you don’t mind specific suggestions! k.

      • Thanks for the suggestions! I’m still debating over which way to go with this! I don’t want to alter too much, as I feel the main message is there…Glad you liked the poem.

  7. Go back or move forward? There is no going back though, right? Thought provoking

Leave a Reply to ManicDdaily Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

beetleypete

The musings of a Londoner, now living in Norfolk

Travel with Intent

A photographer's view of the world - words and images to inspire your travels and your dreams

Travels and Trifles

Expressing Thought Through Photography

DAVID OAKES - IMAGES.

An Occasional Diary of Everyday Life and Travel in the U.K. and sometimes elsewhere

Touring My Backyard

Rediscovering Singapore

Apalabrando los días

Isabel F. Bernaldo de Quirós Blog literario

Marsha Ingrao - Always Write

Having fun, while encouraging, and promoting bloggers

Inside My Sling Bag

Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning and (Being) Lucrative

A Meditative Journey with Saldage

a sharing of readings, thoughts, and photographs

Travels with Ali

My site is all about my travels around the world and in Australia, plus daily life photos!

Agnes Ashe

Pomegranates & Vine Scroll - Art Inspired Living

John's Space .....

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

Carla Baptista

As palavras e as fotografias não gostam de ficar fechadas muito tempo na gaveta...

beautifulpeopleinc.com

Live, Love, Travel and Laugh (Proudly Pinoy)

BODALU

Street Photography and Travel Blog

BlogBimmel

Aktuelles - Vordergründiges - Hintergründiges - Unergründliches - Dumm Tüch - Fotos

Leya

To See a World in a Grain of Sand...

Minutiae

More little things in life

All things bright and beautiful

Delighting in Our World

Sheetalbravon

Quirky thoughts on the ultimate question of life, the universe and popcorn.

Paol Soren

A bit of this and that

The Glasgow Gallivanter

Adventures at home and abroad

%d bloggers like this: